Typical Fight of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger
by mustardgirl1128
Summary: A very random threeshot. RHr, and also HG. Hopefully humorous. Finally finished last chapter! T for minor sexual refrences and minor swears. OOC, parody-ish.
1. The Fight

**A/N: I have read SO many amazing R/Hr oneshots that I needed to write one! Short fun randomness. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own ZERO!!! Actually, that's a lie but oh well!**

Typical Fight

"Ronald Weasley, what was that?" Hermione Granger appeared with an angry shout to make her presence known throughout the whole Gryffindor Common Room. Everything fell silent.

"What're you talking about, Hermione?"

"I am talking about how you left me to come up with some bloody _lie_ to McGonagall because of _you!_ How could you just leave me like that? You are despicable!"

"Hermione, I did _not _leave you! Besides, couldn't you have asked darling Krum to help you out?" Ron had jumped up angrily.

"This has nothing to do with Viktor!"

"Oh come on, Hermione! We all see it; the perfect life for Hermione Granger Krum and Viktor I-Should-Be-a-Duck Krum."

"Is this about the Yule Ball _again?_ Ron, seriously, it was nothing! You know what I think?"

"What?" spat Ron.

Hermione lost it and began shouting. "You are jealous! You are jealous of Krum! Well you know what? Next time, ASK ME BEFORE HE DOES!"

"Oh please. You wouldn't have said yes anyway!"

"Well you'll never know now, will you?" She turned, but suddenly Ron grabbed her shoulders and spun her around.

The next thing that happened amazed and satisfied everyone in the Common Room. Ron leaned in and Hermione did too—they were kissing.

When Ron broke the kiss Hermione shouted, "This isn't about Krum!"

"Oh yeah? Well then why did you talk about him non-stop for ten minutes after he left?"

"Ron, I did not!"

She grabbed him this time and they kissed again.

"You did. You went on and on about Krum and his good dancing and his face and his whatever!"  
"Oh give it up! You know you're wrong and you feel bad. You just won't admit it."

"Oh yeah?" He kissed her again. Then Hermione stomped up the girls' staircase and Ron stomped up the boys'.

"What the bloody hell just happened?" Harry asked the Common Room.

"Um, no idea. Think they're an item now?" asked Lavender Brown, sounding excited.

Parvati Patil nodded enthusiastically. "Ooh! What if it's like one of those romance novels where they can't decide if they love each other or not?" The two girls began to squeal.

"Finally!" called Seamus Finnegan.

"Yeah. I thought it'd never happen," agreed Dean Thomas.

"Maybe I should talk to Ron—?" Harry trailed off.

"Maybe Hermione and I need a chat," Ginny agreed firmly.

"Let's go," they said in grim unison. With the whole Gryffindor Common Room cheering them on, they marched off. They linked elbows until they arrived at the stairs.

"Good luck, then."

"You too, Harry. I'm going in."

With that, Ginny and Harry disappeared up their respective staircases.

------Done------

A/N: DUN DUN DUN!!! Hahaha, that was soooooooo fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it!

Any questions or you just wanna say hi or you feel the need to review like the wonderful reader you are, hit the purple button!


	2. Neville

A/N: Okay, way too many people have asked me to update for me to ignore…so here you go! I suppose this will be a 3 or 4 chap thing, then. This is mostly all dialogue, because it struck me as that sort of chapter. Which do you like better?

I'm really sorry it won't be so funny….I suck at funny, that was just a random burst of inspiration!

_Disclaimer: I own NOTHING, so if you sue I'll win._

Typical Fight

Part 2: Confessions

Harry ran up the stairs, looking actually about to laugh.

"What _was_ that, mate?"

"I have no bloody idea."

"Well, I do. It was dead funny."

Ron groaned and put his head in his hands.

Harry smirked and said, "C'mon, you could just get Hermione down there and, you know, talk…well, if you can while not _kissing_."

With a sigh, Ron looked at Harry. "Are you kidding me? She'd kill me!"

"Erm, true. How about you kiss her silly, then talk? It'll work. Kissing always works."

Ron didn't even smile. "What a cruel plan. I mean, not for her. She gets to kiss _me!"_ (his half-hearted attempt at cockiness was not met well by Harry, who muttered, "Pathetic,") "But I mean, _I _have to do all the work. Merlin, Harry, how about we just murder her and get it over with?"

"Sorry, dear, but that won't work to well," said Harry in a motherly voice, patting Ron on the head. He swatted him away.

"No, I changed my mind. How about we kill Krum?"

"Why are you so obsessive?"

"Why aren't you?"

"I've got a plan! _I _go out with Ginny!"

Ron shook his head at his friend's stupidity. "That would help me _how_?"

* * *

"What a prat. A total prat!"

"There there, dear, I'm sure he was just being himself!"

"Really _comforting,_ Gin!"

"Sorry, sorry! Look, how about you make my hellish brother jealous?"

"Um hello, he already _is._"

"No, with someone really repulsive!"

"How about I just go straight to him? That'll be repulsive enough!"

"Get over yourself, Hermione, he needs a kick start."

"What?"

"Well, if you two are getting married around… seventh year, how about we get you started now?"

"Wh—how do you know we're getting married around seventh year? Do you have 'the Inner Eye?'"

"Very funny. No, I'm just smart that way. Besides, the whole of Gryffindor has planned your wedding. Dozens of times, actually."

"…"

"Don't gag. You're blushing! Ha, we were right! Anyway, think repulsive."

"Ron."

"Hermione!"

"Sorry! Okay, erm, Draco?"

"Do you want to go out with that slimy git?"

"Eew! Fine, let's do…George. Or Fred."

"More Weasley's. Besides, unless you grew to about a triple D cup, they wouldn't go out with you. Besides, ew!"

"How about…"

"Neville Longbottom!"

"That is _so_ mean!"

"Hey, you're mean to my brother. Just trick the guy into liking or at least going out with you, and we're set."

"Wait, so I have to _go out_ with Neville Longbottom?"

"Um, did I say that or not?"

"I—but—okay, I have to say this—eew!"

"Who's mean now?"

"Shut up. So do I just—ask him out?"

"What do you think? You know, be seductive."

"No. That's impossible for me!"

"Liar. You'd have had to be seductive to get my brother obsessed with you."

"Well…okay, I'll try…"

* * *

"Neville! Hey!"

"What are you…_wearing, _Hermione? Or are you just draping?"

"Well, you know, I need to impress you!"

"What?"

"Oh, I give up. Look, I'm trying to make Ron jealous. Can you help?"

"Why does Ginny look bright red?"

"Because…Ooh, is that Harry with her? What are they—Ron! Merlin, there's Ron! Help, Neville, erm…"

"…"

"Okay, that was sufficiently awkward!"

"Um, and gross!"

"Wait, did you just insult my kissing abilities?"

"No, Hermione, but—kissing _you_. That's the gross part."

"Ron looks about ready to murder you, Neville."

"Thanks, Hermione, I really needed that."

"Hey, you two can still be friends…Neville?"

"Hm?"

"If Ron murders you, I swear I won't right 'Faithful Fake-Boyfriend' on your grave."

"Sweet of you."

"I know, right?"

"Neville?"

"What now?"

"If Ron slaps you, I reserve the right to run for cover."

"Comforting, Hermione."

"Exactly."

"I feel bad for Ron."

"Why?"

"Because he will get stuck with _you_, Girlfriend from Hell."

"Hey!"

"What, I was telling the truth!"

"No, I'm mad that you consider me Girlfriend. Not working out, Neville."

"Maybe we should break up."

"Are you ending this?"

"Notice everyone in the Common Room is staring."

"Ooh, public breakup?"

"Isn't this realationship going anywhere?"

"In your dreams. I reserve the right to slap you."

"…Ow."

"We are so over!"

"Fine! Be that way!"

"Goodbye!"

"I return the favor!"

A/N: Did you like it? Review please!


	3. The End

A/N: Haha! A much faster update than before! Enjoy the final chapter!

Thanks all reviewers!!!

No one told me which they liked better (all-dialogue or not) so I'll go with what comes to me!

Typical Fight

Part 3: Shagging

"Ron?"

"I think I'll end my life now, Harry."

"Why?"

"Hermione is going out with bloody _Neville!_"

"You just used 'bloody' and 'Neville' in the same sentence. I swear the world is ending!"

"Shut up, you prat! You are so unsympathetic! The girl I love is bloody snogging with bloody Longbottom, who I will _shoot_ when I find courage enough to leave this bloody room!"

"What, only three?"

"What are you bloody talking about?"

"Four! I'm satisfied!"

"What? I swear, Harry, you'll go next…"

"Damn. You didn't say 'bloody' that time."

"I thought you were satisfied?"

"Wh—Ginny! How did you get in here? I'm not wearing a bloody shirt!"

"Ew, Ron, too much information. By the way, Harry, that'd be five."

"YES! Ron, you said 'bloody' five times in the last two minutes! A new record."

"Comforting."

"So, Harry, are we gonna go?"

"Where?"

"You remember those secret passages?"

"WILL YOU TWO NOT PLAN YOUR WEDDING IN FRONT OF ME PLEASE!"

"Chill, Ron!"

"You won't?"

"We already _did_."

"Oh Merlin. Not only are my best friend and my sister getting married (May I mention in fourth and third year) but _my _love life is _over _because bloody Hermione is going out with bloody Krum _and_ bloody Neville bloody Longbottom!"

"Four, one sentence," Harry said, jumping up and down.

"New record!" Ginny said, high-fiving him.

"Shut up!"

"Ron?" Hermione had suddenly appeared in the room.

"Hermione?"

"Can we talk—outside?"

"Is Longbottom with you?"

"Oh yeah, me and sexy Neville Longbottom are busy sha—"

"EEEW! Don't talk about shagging _Neville Longbottom!_" Ginny said, hiding her face in Harry's chest.

"Don't talk about shagging anyone but _me!_Er—I mean, I—I—" Ron blushed scarlet.

"Um, awkward! Well, Harry and I will go now, while we're on the subject…" Ginny said, grabbing Harry's hand.

"Okay, sufficiently disgusting topic…especially because I can _imagine_ that happening…"

"Hah, even Hermione imagines us together, Ginny!" Harry said, kissing her.

"Shall we, then?"

"We shall!"

"EEW! Get out of my _life_, Harry you bloody bast—" Ron was interrupted.

"Whoa. No swearing at Snookers, Ronnie."

"Shut up. Wait, did you just call Harry 'Snookers'…?"

"You don't talk to my Ginny-poo-poo like that, Ron-Honey-Pie! I told you that already!"

"Well you don't talk to _my Ronnikins_ like that, Harry James Potter!" Hermione said hotly.

"_What_?" Ron asked, mortified, yet a bit pleased in a weird way.

"Um, er, I mean, I meant 'friend who I like as more and I like to call Ronnikins.' NO! I meant, when I said, 'friend who I like as more and I like to call Ronnikins, 'friend who I like as…as…a...sweater?"

"Nice cover, Hermy," Ginny said, privately thinking she'd better remember to call Harry a sweater, because Ron looked turned on…

"Whoa! It's Hermione, nothing more, nothing less!" he said sharply.

"Chill, Ronnie-pie. I was just kidding! Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to shag in peace!" Ginny said, about to leave, when—

"Eew. Just _gross _mental picture, dear heart," Ron said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's _my_ dear heart."

"MY LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE IN THIS ROOM! CAN WE GET ON WITH IT?" Ron screamed.

"Oh, Ron, let's just hide in the closet and get this sorted out," Hermione said wearily.

"…"

"Not like that! Oh, Merlin, I mean, like, it's a saying in the Muggle world: a skeleton in the closet is a secret. So, like, if we go _into_ the closet and _find_ the secret…" Hermione blushed as red as Ginny's hair.

"Riight. C'mon Harry, the Transfiguration classroom might be free. If not, there's always the Room of Requirement!" Ginny cooed.

"Ugh, you two are irrepressible!" Hermione groaned.

"And you two _aren't?_ Get real, Hermione, dear!"

"Oh no you didn't, Ginny!" Ron said, standing possessively in front of Hermione.

"This is ridiculous. Ron, come on. We call the Room of Requirement! Uh, I mean, to work it out, not…um…" Hermione said, trailing off, turning an impossible shade of red.

"Whatever," Harry said, rolling his eyes. He was getting impatient.

"Ron! Lay down again!" Ginny suddenly screeched.

"Why, Ginny?"

"You aren't wearing a bloody shirt!"

"Well _I_ like his new look," Harry said with an approving nod.

"Harry! You bloody cheating bast—" Ginny yelled.

Ron cut her off. "Thought we couldn't call him that?"

"Shut up, shirtless."

"You know, I agree with Harry," Hermione whispered.

"You sound like Luna! Your voice is all dreamy…" Ginny laughed.

"Stop laughing, Gin, I didn't mean it…it was a joke…"

"I will never call you Hermione the Innocent again. Or Hermione the Naive."

"Shut up, Ginny,"

"Hermione, me, Room of Requirements! While _you_ three were fighting, I got full clothed," Ron said proudly.

"Damn!" Harry shouted.

"Double damn!" Hermione added.

"Harry! Hermione! Control yourself!" Ginny spat, looking disgusted.

"Yeah, and your hormonal urges!" Ron added, then, "Eew. Hormonal urges…in _my_ direction?"

"What can I say, Ron? You're dead sexy," Harry—or was it Hermione?—said dreamily.

"Harry, we are _over_!"

"No! Ginny, I didn't say that! I swear on Godric Gryffindor's holy grave it was Hermione," Harry said, pleading at her feet.

"You think I'm dead sexy?" Ron asked tentatively.

"I think _Harry_'s dead sexy," Ginny butted in.

"You know, I return the feeling," Ron said with a nod in Harry's direction, which was returned.

"Ron!" Hermione cried, scandalized.

"Sorry!"

"Well, Ginny, I think you're dead sexy too!" Harry added.

"Good, come on. Maybe McGonagall is in a good mood…" Ginny said, and she grabbed Harry's hand. They finally left in search of an empty classroom.

"Alone at last, Hermione. Look, I think based on what we let slip—" Ron began,

Only to have Hermione interrupt with, "That I am dead in love with you and think kissing you till you beg for mercy is the best cure?"

"What?" Ron squeaked, his ears red. But he was looking strangely excited.

"I didn't say that…um…I…" Hermione smiled weakly.

"Riight. Well, I agree, so, shall we get to it?" Ron asked, readying his lips.

"I think that would be a damn good idea."

THE REAL END

A/N: Sorry if you couldn't tell who was talking. Also, I know Harry didn't like Ginny till 6th year and nothing happened between R/Hr in 4th year, but I liked how they were really rather young. Did you like it? REVIEW!!!!!!

Sorry if it sounded not-funny or forced funny-ness. Like I said, I'm not incredibly good at jokes…

A/N 2: I modified this because some readers were a bit grossed out…I personally enjoyed this chapter, but I made it a bit cleaner. Sorry if I didn't satisfy you! And I know everyone is horribly OOC…oh well, it's hard!


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